Pan's Labyrinth

Hello everyone, I just saw Pan's Labyrinth. Perhaps I misinterpreted the advertisement's for this film, but I left the theater disappointed. The previews and posters give off this foreign, horror film with special effects and bedazzlement. What I got was a two hour drudge through Spain's political history with a young girl who is becoming a princess in a fantasy underworld. Please don't get me wrong; it is a very good movie. It is well made, well written, and the special effects are quite original and engrossing, but when the end credits came up, I felt like I didn't see the film I had been promised. It is sort of like seeing the PG-rated version of Saw.

If you like Spanish (or subtitles), Spainards killing each other, and rather unique fauns and fairies, check out this movie. If you want a horrific, rated-R film, look elsewhere. Oh, and never, never take your children to see this one.

Exhibit C

Here is Exhibit C. It cut off the side of my last post.

In Defense of Billie Piper's Jaw

As if Billie Piper hasn't endured enough ridicule, her jaw has also come into question. Please exam Exhibits A, B, and C before further condemning this poor woman.

In Defense of Billie Piper's Chin

It has recently been said that Billie Piper (the British singer and actress) has a manly chin. In an attempt to swiftly put at end to this much maligned idea, I present Exhibit A and Exhibit B.

If one looks closely, Billie's chin is a small, oval-shaped contour of her quite beautiful face, while Jay Leno's nose (by definition beatiful because of God's divine intervention) appears more like an under-developed appendage trying to free itself from the rest of his face.

It is my deductive claim that, once clearly examined in comparison to male chins, Billie Piper's chin could in no way described as manly. There will be some of you out there that will further challenge my claim, but just before you let your unfounded nonsense put your fingers to the keyboard, please take another look at Exhibit A and Exhibit B.

Long live Billie Piper and her defintely female chin.

Thank you

Another Look at What is Going on in My Head

Hello everyone,

To take another look at what is going on in my head (this time without involving Fred and Albert), I'd like to address my synthetic love life.

For anyone out there reading these posts,you know I've been watching a lot of the new Doctor Who on DVD lately in a secret attempt to avoid doing homework. It took me about three episodes to really get hooked on the show, but something interesting has happened. I'm synthetically in love with Rose Taylor/Billie Piper, who is the female lead of the show and the woman on the right. I've never met her, nor will I probably ever, but I'm totally mesmerized. It is kind of like when you fall in love with the person who sits next to you in class, knowing full well that the relationship that is brewing in your mind will never exist in reality. One day, the Doctor Who DVDs will run out, and Billie and I's relationship will come to a crashing halt.

In the future I may fall in love with a woman I've actually spoken to, but until then, Billie Piper rules my world..... Has anyone ever fallen in love with a celebrity?

I wonder what Fred and Albert think of this.

Blogs!

Here is a list of blogs that I read.

http://whedonesque.com/

http://www.sethgreenonline.com/ask.php

http://www.neilgaiman.com/journal/

http://www.zachbraff.com/

http://www.themovieblog.com/

http://englishlangsfx.blogspot.com/

The Occipital Lobes are Screwed!

Albert's eyes managed to open. He was fully submerged in thin fluid that seeped out of Brain's limbic system. It was a very uncomfortable and disconcerting experience. Incoherent and certainly unhappy, Albert managed to rotate his segmented body around to see just what had happened since he had apparently lost consciousness.

The occipital lobes, which is where Albert accurately guessed he was, were inflamed and possibly lacerated. "This is where the fluid is coming from, but what happened," thought Albert.

No one in sight and no discernable entry or exit points confounded Albert. He could barely see, and what he could reminded him of Brain's cerebellum. But he was smarter than that. He quickly realized that he must have been drugged.

Albert made his way through the fluid to the entry point of the occipital lobes. With great pain and fear, he pressed his way into the damaged lobe to find Brain's ability to see had been compromised. Greens, yellows, and blurred motion (streaming in upside down) was all that came into the lobe.

Albert rubbed his eyes against the membranes, exposing his delicate skin to a very harsh surface. He managed to activate the lobe's core functions by squeezing blood flow away from the lacerated, inner wall, which sufficiently clotted the cells. Albert looked into the neural feed to discover Brain was sitting in front of his television, watching Doctor Who late into the night--again.

Suddenly, Albert re-awoke to find himself on floor of the occipital lobe's inner membrane wall. He had lost consciousness and was feeling the distored, drug-induced dementia all over again.

A day and a half later, Albert awoke a third time. He was tied to some synaptic fiber near the sensory cortex with no way of escape.

Fred, hidden away deep into the frontal lobe, realized that perhaps he had indulged too much this time. "But what will I do tomorrow," danced through his demented mind's eye.

This Time, Albert Has Gone To Far!

While Fred was taking a nap in the frontal lobe, Albert streamed an urgent suggestion into Brain's neural feed.

It read, "If you really want to succeed this semester in class, leave everything non-essential at home. You won't need any DVD's, video games, magazines, or regular clothes. You'll be busy studying for your comprehensive finals, teaching, and studying. It's time you became an adult anyway."

Quite to Fred's surprise, when he awoke from his dream about opening all the Ziploc bag's in Brain's freezer, Brain was driving away from Texas with hardly anything in his car. Where were the season's of Buffy the Vampire Slayer that had kept him company all those long nights at the dorms? Where was the Playstation 2 that befriended him when no one else would?

"This time, Albert has gone too far," yelled Fred as he punched the outer membrane in anger.

Albert quickly slashed into the neural network and sent a rather different urgent message through the neural pathway. "Stop in the Best Buy in Norman and buy season one of Doctor Who and several dvds, and it wouldn't hurt to rent some martial arts films once you reach Edmond."

Helpless to the messages that come in, Brain complied by quickly spending over one hundred dollars on DVDs he didn't know he needed, completely defeating the purpose of leaving everything at home.

It was long until Brain found himself watching DVDs and buying new clothes in his dorm room rather than studying, preparing to teach, or doing anything productive at all.

Albert was unavailable for comment at the time of this writing...

Mike Gee Moving Through Space and Time

Hello everyone,

This blog has been created for an English class at the University of Central Oklahoma. In it, I will narrate how academic and popular culture (referred to as Albert and Fred respectively) are trying to slowly kill each other in order to take over my consciousness (referred to as Brain), ala Spy vs. Spy in a Descartes-like thought experiment.

"I said switch off, Albert", shouted Fred as he made his sluggish way to Brain's neural cortex.

"I can't switch off; I'm downloading syllabus content into Brain's short-term memory stem. If I don't do this now, Brain's waves will further dissapate," said an agitated Albert while he hovered over a lump of matter that would one day surely become cancerous.

"But if you don't hurry up, I can't livewire the Doctor Who protocol into Brain's thought process before his blood sugar goes too low to think about it," retorted Fred.

"Why don't you eat some brain cells and leave me alone, you virus," whispered a historically-intimitated Albert.


Stay tuned for more of the action from my terminally-doomed brain.

-Mike Gee